I have sat down to write so many personal posts, only to click “move to trash” and shut the laptop.  I always figure, meh, who cares?  Or I start to hate what I write.  Or I get distracted and lose my train of thought.  Well, not today!  I’ve wanted to transition my blog into one that includes more personal content, so now is as good a time as any to begin.

Last year was a heckuva year, and what got me through it was a word that I had decided, late in 2012 or early in 2013, was what I most needed in my life: Peace.  Around the same time, I became pregnant with our youngest.  It was no mistake that I wanted to reset, recenter, focus on what was most important, and just be calm.  I had spent too long feeling stressed, busy, angry, confused, and “failing” in every aspect of my life (I know I wasn’t failing, but if you know the feeling, you know how really difficult it is to break free). If it weren’t for the peace I was always seeking, I would have lost my mind!  It was the year that I most needed it.  It is still an idea that I hold close to my heart, dare I say: a mantra?  Can a mantra be one word?  Shows what I know!  Anyway, peace is something I could probably tattoo on my forehead, it is so essential every day.

I wasn’t even necessarily doing the One Word 365 Project, like my friend Katie has for a couple of years. However, this year I want to be more intentional about it, and pick another word!  Although, I feel like “peace” was a no-brainer in my case, I needed it so badly, and the idea was calling out to me.  Some say the word chooses you, as an epiphany, or a sign from wherever you think signs come from.  Well, the word itself didn’t show up as a vision in a dream or on a billboard or even in a Bible verse… but I have thought out what I need this year (and for the rest of my life), and that is strength.  So, I’m jumping on the One Word 365 bandwagon (22 days late).

Strength - noun \’stren(k)th, ‘stren(t)th

So, why strength?  Ever since Alice was born, I have been feeling like life is really good, but really tough!  My days aren’t easy (I’m not complaining, please), and my various roles as a wife, mother, daughter, friend, business owner, and everything in between really push me to my limits.  To deal with tough days, I need to be tough right back!  I am also realizing that this year I turn 33, and my body is starting to show signs of my complacency.  I have never struggled with my weight, and I am lucky also, that after each of my three children were born, all the baby weight and then some came off immediately, with zero effort – so I have never felt physically motivated.  In fact, there were times when my weight dropped so low with no diet or exercise, that I was worried about how far it would go, or if something was wrong. I have never had to work to stay (what I considered to be) in shape.  However, my calf muscles are nil, my abs are not defined, my butt is, well… you get the idea, and yesterday Henry squeezed the spot just above my knee and said, “Squishy!”  It really wouldn’t take much effort for me to see a big difference.  I could be stronger physically, and I can demonstrate strength and discipline to myself (and my loved ones) by taking better care of my body.  It’s easy to sit on the couch and be soft-skinny, it takes strength and will power to get up and do 50 squats and 100 jumping jacks.  Really, how long does that take?  A few minutes?  Go for a run, burn off some stress, build a stronger heart… Sounds like maybe my mind has been just as weak as my squishy legs!  I’m better than that.

I also need strength daily, to stop myself from losing patience with the kids.  To get out of bed earlier and be productive.  To be loving and kind even if I’m having a rough day.  I need strength to break bad habits.  I need strength to say no to another drink.  I need strength to skip the mid-afternoon chips and salsa binge.  I need strength to do more pushups than I ever have (because for the longest time I have resigned to the notion that “I just can’t do pushups”, but today I have done 50).  I need strength to be happy and healthy for myself and my family.  I want to be admirable and in control of my actions and emotions.  I want to be able to deal with the everyday assault of a very demanding life, without turning to the habitual escapes of social media, food, alcohol, yelling, laziness… quitting.  I want to be able wake up in the morning each day without wondering what is going to cause me to break down this time, because something always does.  I want to be able to stand strong in the face of stormy days to come, and there will be storms!  I spent a long time feeling stressed, then it stopped, and I found peace.  2013 was actually the year I felt the happiest I can remember in a long, long time, in spite of a lot of struggles and change.  Now it’s time to move forward, to grow, and to build.  Of all the little resolutions I tossed around in my mind over the past few weeks, the common thread among them in order to succeed is strength.  Inner strength, outer strength.  So, that’s the word I’m tucking under my soon-to-be toned arm.

What’s yours?

[there is a great amount of strength here]

 

Here we are at the end of another year… oh, where do I begin? This year brought major life changes, new beginnings that changed everything forever. We began the year kicking off the biggest undertaking of our lives so far, the construction and planning of a microbrewery and restaurant, Osgood Brewing. Around the same time, God began the construction of a new life inside me. A wanted, celebrated, and courageous (crazy?) choice. They came to be around the same time. Osgood opened on September 5, and Alice was born on September 18. Everything that happened in between January and September is, well… amazing, stressful, complicated, and exciting. In recent weeks, (I have since gained some clarity on this time in our lives) I have realized that it was genuinely traumatic. It was stretched out over several months, but it was, indeed, traumatic, in a slightly different sense of the word. Maybe a better word would be “brutiful”. Isn’t that the way life should be? Thankfully, Ron and I (and others involved) have been blessed with coping and communication skills that helped us get through. If not for that, we would be in ruins. Forgive me if my “voice” comes across a little messy, lacking eloquence. This year was a good one, because our lives are so full of blessings, family, friendships, a happy marriage, our children, a new business, a warm home. However, I want to be upfront and say we had more than our share of tears, fights, and overwhelming exhaustion. Like climbing a mountain, there are times when you are hurting, but it’s worth it when you reach the peak!

I can not understate my gratitude for the people who helped us along the way. You know who you are (though I won’t name names here). Whether you listened to me on the phone, read my texts, TOOK CARE OF OUR KIDS, helped with one or many of thousands of constructions projects, bought me a latte (when I thought no one would ever buy me a surprise latte), mowed our lawn, helped me shoot a wedding, bought a t-shirt, or just cheered us on. Thank you for helping us survive this year.

And, this year is not all about our journey – we have had the wonderful privilege to witness weddings, welcome new babies born to and adopted by our family and friends, new homes and travels and jobs, also. This year has been so good, because of the joy we see in the lives of people we love. And, to those who are suffering and struggling, you are in my thoughts and prayers more than I can say. I should say so more often, but sometimes it is hard to find the right words. I wish the world was free of pain, illness, and heartbreak. Someday…

So, as I try to think of some way to neatly package up 2013 before placing it on the shelf, I just can’t. It was a year that can not be contained, summed up, or put away, at least not for a while. It will keep busting out of the box and falling all over the floor for years to come. Besides, it is too hard to sum up 365 days, or to make some brilliant statement about the 365 days ahead, so this time I won’t try, I won’t wax poetic. I’ll just keep taking it one day at a time, because that is how I survived 2013. My advice is for you all to do the same: be present today. Do not worry about 365 days. Who knows what we will be looking back on one year from now! I sincerely hope it’s a good one, for all of you.

Happy New Year!